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Take Your Hand Off the Hot Stove

Anger, blame and holding on to grudges

By David Leonhardt

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Elsie is a food production manager. She works hard. She focuses her energy. She brings out the best in her staff, and they love her for it. Her department is the most productive in the company.

Everyone thought Elsie would become the new vice president. But Sam plays politics better than Elsie. When Elsie heard about Vice President Sam, she was furious.

She complained to her colleague, Mike, "It's not fair. I work hard and get results...better results than Sam. That was my promotion. Sam is just a sneaky, rotten, no good son-of-a-*****!"

Over the next two months, Mike saw Elsie avoid Sam. He heard her make snide comments about him. He saw her brood. Where was the Elsie everyone loved so much?

So Mike approached Elsie. "You're still very upset about Sam," Mike ventured.

Elsie shot back, "Sam stole my job. I have every right to be angry."

"But you're clearly in pain. Why hold your hand on a hot stove?" Mike asked.

"I'm not holding my hand on a hot stove," Elsie replied. "Sam is."

"Sam sure burned you," Mike agreed. "But Sam walked away, but by holding a grudge you're still pressing your hand on the stove. Why not take it off so you can enjoy life again?"

(An excerpt about holding on to grudges from the self-help book Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness.

David Leonhardt is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven and The Get Happy Workbook. He also runs a Liquid Vitamins Store and a website marketing strategies web site

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